I chose an orange juice and a lemon chicken wrap from the ‘Snacking’ fridge. Each had a “Meal Deal for £3” sticker, so I took them to the till with the specified coinage.
“Would you like any help with your pack...”
“Don’t fuck with me, lady.”
“Of course, Sir. That’ll be £3.30, please.”
“I think these are on your £3 Meal Deal offer.”
A quick scrutiny of the till. “You didn’t get any crisps.”
“A correct observation in which, however, I fail to discern the slightest relevance to the comment I have just made.”
“It’s only £3 if you get crisps too. That’s the Meal Deal. It’s a deal, you see.”
“A deal that appears to mean the less I buy, the more I pay. I really must present that idea at our next sales conference. It'll go down a treat with hard-pressed consumers.”
“No, it’s a deal. You have to get crisps to get the deal. “Meal Deal” – look, it says it here.”
She looked a bit annoyed.
“Madam, please don’t take this personally, but does anything seem strange about the fact that your company is asking me to pay less for buying more? On that principle, might I be allowed to have one of your excellent 60-inch flat screen TVs in lieu of the crisps?”
“No, IT'S A MEAL DEAL.”